Thursday, February 3, 2011

The ‘F’ word, just too much of it…

A Page From My Diary...

“Oh! He’s my best friend”, “C’mon Mom she’s a great friend, I won’t stand a word against her”, I have heard it a lot and they define it as “A friend is someone who cares, loves, annoys, makes you feel happy, blabber about anything on Earth just to make you feel comfortable and just so much he does that, that kind of bookish friend hasn’t encountered me yet!! I mean, why you believe so much in friendship that you sometimes forget that, the one whom you call your friend could change his apparel any moment.
I really haven’t met such a person till date for whom I could sigh like that. I believe I have almost crossed the considered age to make experiments on new friends now. In fact I very strongly don’t feel the need to have one, because then comes that burden of sharing, caring, bitching, shopping, exclude the feeling of unconditional friendship. And you know what, I have lived them all already, now no more, can’t afford it. Because with the entire sharing caring thing comes another bunch of complementary stuff called cribbing and complaining. Atleast I have had a kind of bitter experience in all those relationships I named as friendship. Possibly that’s why this word always turns me off.

But I have been thinking on it since quite a long time. Why does everyone almost everyone around me believes in it so much, in spite of getting betrayed, hurt, insulted, ignored a number of times. Do they still want to try or continue experimenting? Or they are just too afraid to walk without a mate?
I have heard people saying, he’s my true friend, have heard myself saying, “he could be my true friend”, I have heard them saying for me, “she’s a true friend”, dude I don’t have a clue about what it is! This word ‘true friend’ somehow annoys me, irritates me, sounds fictitious, fabricated and bookish and I pungently feel there’s nothing called a true friend. I have always been surrounded with people, mostly good ones, whom I tagged as friends and unthinkingly traveled on the same path of fiction. Assuming them as people I could confide upon, whom I could call at midnight and ask for help, who would realize what the matter is, just with a glance of my face, but all of it was worthless and simply my imagination. At one point of time most of them failed turning me to an atheist to friendship.
I know this post would cheese off many people but for a while just try to analyse this term friend and ask yourself with closed eyes who’s that friendly angel of your life whom you truly want just for yourself, not to freak out with or for the world to show off. The one who’s always there for you, anyone? For some of you, there could be some, well in that case I would say, am just unlucky hmm? My experience says that real or true friendship is history now. Lately, it’s like, call them for a movie or a beer, they pop up from anywhere they would be, but call them when in need, the replies you would get would remind you of this post. Just try it.

They say friendship is an art, an easy one to know, understand and follow while I really am poor in arts, I find it hard to decipher. Could be a problem with me too! But telling you out of the experiences of the people who shared with me their grievances (mistakenly imagining me as their friend) have walked through the same path as I did.

So, I hereby swear to eliminate the word ‘friendship’ from the glossary of my life because I have been dragging it since years now and the increased weight has become too heavy to carry. And this is for the people whom I am close to or the ones, who are close to me, “Am not trying to be frosty or getting you off the hook, just spare me with that ‘f’ word, I don’t believe in it anymore. Hope you understand, and if you don’t, even that doesn’t matter anymore J”

Cheers to the unfriendly me, a Friend For-never!!